How to make the best out of Prom in the following situations

By Sean Stahl and Andrew Wright We may only be sophomores, but we did go to a middle school dance. That should be enough experience to give you helpful tips. Now that you have this highly valid information, go out there and have a blast! Or Cthulhu doomsday, whatever floats your swan boat. Date:Congratulations! You got a date for the Prom! Now you have to impress your date and spend all your saved up birthday money to buy a sweet tuxedo/dress/chicken costume. Looking good will be essential to make up for your “inexperience” in dancing. Next, you will need to rent a sweet car to pick your date up with. If you don’t have a driver's license, just have your really cool uncle rent the car for you. Now that you have your outfit and your ride, you should watch a YouTube video on how to dance the emotes in Fortnite. This will instantly make you the coolest guy/gal at the Prom.  If you don’t want to draw too much attention and popularity to yourself, then we recommend sticking to the good ol’ one-two shuffle. But of course, you will need to know how to ask your date to dance, assuming they want to dance and not just do an emote from Fortnite. Muster up what little courge you have and approach you date, and simply say “Uhhhhhhhhhmmmmm… wanna dance?” If you are already standing next to them when Chicken Dance starts playing, give your partner one of those handsome side glances and raise your eyebrows. They will definitely love that. No Date:For those who are without a date, are “independent” or too cowardly to ask, Prom is upon us. And while you may wish to hide away, decisions must be made. Decisions about your future, about life, about WHO YOU ARE. Even though you’re alone at this point you can still benefit from going to Prom. First of all, there is going to be food there. And let's be honest with each other, that food is probably better than your parents’ tofu meatloaf special. Also, while you are gorging on all the sweet food there will be music playing for those who care to dance. Even though you don’t have a partner, you can still own the dance floor with your sick moves. You can still go to Prom if you don’t want to gain 20 pounds (you eat when you’re depressed and you are depressed when you eat. It’s an endless cycle of never ending food), or make a fool of yourself dancing. You have a plethora of options. Coming with Friends. As far as options go this is the most versatile. With matching dress, come in as the new and classy Hateful Eight, Five, Two, Twelve etc. Passing Out.Don’t bring booze! Nobody wants to have a drunk slob taking up dancing room. Passing out should simply be from the senses being overwhelmed by radical dance moves and beats… Summon Cthulhu.(If you do not know what this is, spare yourself and DO NOT look this up)WARNING: The summoning of Cthulhu is a dangerous endeavor. The Cult of Cthulhu wishes to warn the reader that “the act of studying the text is inherently dangerous, as those who attempt to master its arcane knowledge generally meet terrible ends.” Due to this warning our researching team would rather not go in depth to learning the Necronomicon, summoning ritual of Cthulhu. Foreign DateYou have to really work this. Make a full out sketch beforehand, and find where they live, the size of their family, siblings name, favorite food/color and region of foreign country (specific town as well). Then remember the Three Cs: your date Couldn’t Come, has Cute and/or Crappy English and Can’t call right now. You can always add a Fourth C, Clumsy photographer, making photos of your foreign date impossible. Of course you can always avoid this by getting a picture of a cute guy or gal online but that comes with the risk of viewers recognizing the photo or researching it. “Singles by Choice Club”A very therapeutic club in which members may voice their opinions and support each others “choice” of being single. For those who go with this option remember the “Singles Choice Oath” which goes as follows: “I am single by my own choice. I do so to enhance my scholastic career and focus on what I want for my future. I am not sad, and my decision will never be regretted. I pledge to be single by choice until my scholastic duties are finished.” GrandmaInvite your grandma and dance to your heart's content! But be sure to get her back home by bedtime (this usually ranges anywhere from 6 to 10 p.m., so after parties are not your game.) Third WheelThis is the option requiring the most skill. For this option to have a fulfilling effect on your Prom night it must involve MARKETING. Bring your own mixtape if you wish. Own the party. Be all of your friends’ wingman/wingwoman and work it. Set up a flower shop right outside the front door and don’t make a profit! Be the hype man!