The Water-less Ella Ward

Samo prides itself on being an extremely diverse campus, filled with students and teachers from different backgrounds, all with unique interests and goals in life. However, although it is not often thought about, there is one thing that ties everyone together - water.Water is a necessity for survival and the general recommendation is to drink 64 ounces (eight glasses) a day. Samo student, Ella Ward (’19), is straying from the pack and attempting to go through the entire month of February without a single sip, solely out of pure curiosity.Ward plans to avoid all straight water, but will get her intake from other drinks and foods that it is contained within. She cuts out liquids entirely twice a week.Ward came up with this idea a year ago, when she made her initial attempt to conquer thirst. She only made it three days, but the negative response she got from the people around her encouraged her to try again.“It started as a joke but then everyone told me not to do it so I felt I had to. Everyone I’ve told has tried to talk me out of it at first, but now that they’ve given up on stopping me, everyone has been very adamant on me sticking to ‘No Water February’,” Ward said.Noa Goldsmith (’20) has finally resigned from her mission to stop Ward.“Since the beginning I have been against this challenge. I have thought up different ways to stop her, but have come to the realization that Ella Ward cannot and will not be stopped. So I have decided to craft her eulogy instead,” Goldsmith said.Despite her struggles in maintaining her no water streak last year, Ward has been sticking strong to her plans. She is surprised by how much easier it has been than expected, but attributes this to her pre-existing low water intake.“I don’t drink a lot of water to begin with so cutting it out entirely hasn’t been all that bad. The no liquid days are a killer though,” Ward said.Ward has found that this lifestyle makes it hard to chew at times due to the lack of saliva present in her mouth. Her skin has also become insanely dry and her throat has begun to hurt a bit. Sophie Golay (’19), is worried about the health of her friend.“She looks sickly. I expressed how dumb the plan was but her body her choice, you know?” Golay said.Nevertheless, Ward is determined to follow through with the challenge that she has brought upon herself. Her commitment amazes many, including Samo graduate Lauri Helin (’18).“Initially I thought she was just talking about it. But now I’m impressed at her commitment in her batsh*t endeavor,” Helin said.This opinion seems to be shared around campus as Clayton Davis (’20) agrees.“Ella’s devotion to pointlessness is inspiring,” Davis said.In addition to her waterless ventures, it is known throughout campus that Ward has many other eccentric beliefs.“I don’t think the moon landing happened. Nothing can convince me it did. Look into it, then talk to me,” Ward said.So, next time you see Ward walking the halls, consider approaching her on the subject. Maybe ask her to discuss it over coffee. After all, she’ll need all the extra water she can get.