The Samohi interviews...itself
Sexy Javerbeast, Staff Writer
Unfortunately, many of the sources from which people get their news are corrupted and/or extremely biased. Whether you get your news from a local newspaper, a 24-hour cable channel, an online publication, etc., it can be hard to determine whether a news outlet is reliable. Here at The Samohi, we strive for complete transparency with our readers. It’s important to us that anybody reading feels familiar with how our newspaper operates. To any skeptics wondering how the “sausage gets made”, here's an FAQ (taken directly from our website) to answer your most pressing questions.
Q: Can we trust that The Samohi is always accurate?
A: Nope. In fact, you can trust that The Samohi is always inaccurate! For one, any Samo-related content is propaganda, paid for by the school to make it appear that we’re a normal school (in reality we’re an army base). Any and all articles in the Opinion column come straight from unverified claims on Reddit, Student Life articles are consistently written in response to gossip overheard in the bathrooms (if we really want to confirm it, we’ll visit two bathrooms), etc. The best thing to do is make like the rest of the students at Samo and not read the paper.
Q: Who runs The Samohi?
A: Nobody! We have two “co-editors in chief,” Mallory North (“’22”) and Erkki Forster (“’22”). However, they’re both paid actors/students currently studying drama/acting at UCSD. To remain a class/organization here on campus, our principal Dr. Antonio Shelton required us to have at least two student leaders. However, he never said they had to be students of Samo.
Q: How is the paper printed?
A: The Samohi is an extremely religious organization. All staff members are required to convert to Catholicism and hail their lord and savior Jesus Christ. As a team, all staff writers pray during the morning announcements as they wait for the Pope to bless the storks that deliver the newspapers. Much like delivering babies, the storks eagerly and efficiently get the papers delivered to us.
Q: How do interviews work/how do staff writers train to interview people?
A: During the summer prior to their first year, all staff writers are required to enter a mandatory boot camp. This boot camp includes soul-selling, target practice, interrogations, etc. Due to the intense preparation, none of our staff members get nervous during interviews. In fact, the interviewees are always more nervous than the staff writers due to the somewhat tense environment (all interviewees are held at gunpoint to ensure that their answers are the most truthful).
Hopefully, this guide can assure any readers that The Samohi is at heart, an honest and transparent news source.
The Samohi staff and special guest alumni Benny Adler (’21), all coming together to pray for the printing of our latest cycle.