Generational AC trauma: this is Gary Clark’s story
Holden but Yassified, Staff Writer
Gary Clark, a brand new Samo employee, was hired to run the Discovery Building AC system when students returned to school back in August. Since then, administrators have been flooded with serious complaints about the lack of proper temperatures in said building. During the heatwave in early October, the school ran a background check that discovered Clark’s psychological issues regarding cooling systems… but it was too late. Clark had already signed a five-year contract, leaving him in charge of what has now become the biggest AC scandal of the 2020s. We gather here today to uncover the truth about his twisted past in an attempt to give the people of Samo the temperatures they deserve!
Holden but Yassified: Thank you for agreeing to discuss this serious topic with me. Could you tell me a little bit about your history with air conditioning?
Gary Clark: I was born and raised in the blazing heat of Arizona. My mama used to blast the AC to the point where I was shivering. One day when I was 14, I took a stand. I walked up to the controls and turned it off. When my mom found out, she grabbed me by the hair and tied me to the AC for two days. I was freezing, alone and traumatized. After that, it became my mission for everyone to understand my suffering.
HbY: Wow, I’m so sorry. That must have been very hard for you. What inspired you to choose Samo as your next target?
GS: Well, I was fresh off being fired from my third job when I heard about the brand new Discovery Building. I knew it was perfect. A brand new space with an unfamiliar AC system to ruin forever. I knew there was no one who had experience in the building, therefore I would get to force my ways on kids the same age that I was. The space was basically designed for my plans.
HbY: I don’t know if you have heard, but everyone is talking about these issues. Teachers, students and even @samohi.memes on Instagram. What would get you to run the system correctly?
GS: I’ve actually been loving all the chatter about me. No one’s ever cared this much about me before, so it’s really an honor. I would say that no amount of convincing would get me to quit this leg of my career. I’m here to stay whether you like it or not.
HbY: Such a powerful and empowering story. Aside from small talk here and there about these issues, have you been reached out to by any of the leaders in SMMUSD?
GS: Actually, yes. After they found out about my “problems”, Dr. Ben Drati tried to seduce me out of the position via email. He tried to persuade me with his stellar looks and fashion sense, but it did not work.
HbY: Are there any last thoughts you want the world to hear?
GS: Nope. Just that I will be here no matter what. Even if the superintendent came and yelled at me personally, you will still be facing my wrath next year, the year after, and so on and so forth.
HbY: What an amazing story. Thank you so much for agreeing to speak with me.
Gary Clark was recently hired at Samo as the AC controller for the Discovery Building. His dark past has had a significant impact on his work.