There isn't a universal timeline for when to fall in love. That's a good thing.
By Julia Rotgin, Co-Editor-in-Chief & Paige Prodonovich, Centerspread Editor
We, as teenagers, now more than ever find ourselves placed under an immense amount of pressure to be involved in relationships throughout high school. The vast majority of us have been taught to look down on the idea of being single. However, we are here to remind everyone that not only is being single all right, but in time, it is possible to come to view it as more than all right. Disclaimer: while we are arguing points as to why teen relationships are unnecessary, it may come off as though we are admonishing them. This is not our intention. Being single and being in a relationship both come with perks and can be just as rewarding as one another—in different ways. We are simply focusing on the advantages that accompany being unattached.
The Influence of Media on Teenagers Wanting Relationships - in Paige's words
It is no secret that the media we consume plays a large role in shaping our perception of reality. The effects of this influence are especially apparent when it comes to our collective view of love. From a young age, we are fed the idea that in order to feel fulfilled in life we must be involved in some form of romantic relationship. Many will take this idea with them to the grave. However, it is possible to go beyond this and grow to love being single, especially during your teen years.
Our desires to feel wanted begin as early as childhood for some and follow most into adulthood and beyond. This longing is, to a certain extent, innate and by no means am I attempting to discredit those that want a partner. Rather, I am trying to point out that the media perpetuates the idea that not only should we want a relationship, but our sole purpose is to find one and that we cannot be wholly happy until we do so.
The film industry typically makes it out to seem as if every protagonist requires a love interest for their story to be complete—and this is assuming the movie is not about an epic love story as is. Those that watched Disney princess movies as children saw beautiful women chase after love, often replacing their aspirations in life with that of finding a partner. Those that watched action movies as children were shown that even the most powerful heroins could not truly be happy until they found their one true love. Even the lives of the most independent of the bunch still revolved around romance in one way or another (if you find yourself doubting this statement, rewatch “Mulan”). The same goes for many of the best-selling books we grew up on as well.
When it comes to music, most top hits tend to follow a common theme, that theme being—you guessed it—love. Olivia Rodrigo’s new single “Driver’s License” and Taylor Swift’s entire discography serve as proof. Whether it be about falling in love or being heartbroken, the songs we hear on the radio always seem to revolve around relationships, often frustrating those who are unable to relate. My goal is that one day, those that are saddened by the love songs on their playlists grow beyond this. As tempting as it is to wait for our very own prince/princess/royal charming to sweep us off our feet, it is important to learn to love being single.
Our teen years are our time to be free. Now, this does not go to say that you cannot find freedom in a relationship. However, the independence that accompanies being alone is unmatched and should be appreciated. It allows one to fully explore every possible aspect of both themselves and the world simultaneously. There are so many things to learn, to do, to see… why let this seemingly never-ending chase after romance interfere?
At the end of the day, my message is not to convey that love is not real and that we should collectively stop believing in it and wanting it. In fact, I am likely one of the biggest hopeless romantics you will ever meet and those who know me can attest to this. All I am trying to get across is that chasing after love does not have to be our primary focus, especially throughout adolescence, despite what the media tells us and what we were taught growing up.
How Pressure to be in a Relationship Hinders Discovering Yourself - in Julia's words
Whether from the mouth of a wise older sibling or a prying parent, at one point or another we have all heard something along the lines of “you can’t grow if you are attached to someone else, you won’t have free reign for true self-discovery”.
I, personally, have always scoffed at such remarks. My sense of self rarely falters and admittedly my enduring stubbornness would not give anyone a shot at driving me off course. I believed I was immune to allowing a significant other to block any experiences of such self-discovery, from telling me who I was, or was not.
To this day, I still strongly believe that I would never allow a person to prevent me from participating in old hobbies and exploring new ones, but I also realize that this is not exactly what we have all been forewarned of. The hindering of self-discovery that comes with being in a committed, monogamous relationship (the framework of the typical teenage romance that is, dare I say, romanticized by society) does not necessarily come from one’s partner determining a shared set of interests or friends. Rather, limitations on exploration arise from the relationship itself; if you are committed to one person, you will not have the opportunity to experience other kinds of partners.
This statement seems pretty obvious. And it is. But as someone interested in Gender and Sexuality studies, it has flung me into a spiral of curiosity—how does being in a high school relationship impact a person’s experience with sexuality?
For many, one’s own sexuality is not something that has been figured out upon entering high school. During these formative teenage years, nobody quite understands what they are doing or exactly who they are—and that’s okay. If one embraces being single, a whole world of self-exploration and discovery will open to them. Why feel any pressure to what is essentially confining oneself to a mere number of romantic experiences when one could experiment with a whole number of them instead?
It Really Doesn't Matter if You Haven't Been in Love Before College - in Julia's words
Both sets of my grandparents began dating one another around age 13. While I never expected to be in a relationship with my life partner at this age (or throughout any of my teenage years for that matter), listening to their stories definitely led me to believe that I would experience ~love~ before moving across the country to pursue my undergraduate academic endeavors.
Now, as a senior who is committed to a college that, according to Google Maps, is a precise 2,725.0 miles from my bedroom, I can assure you that I don’t even know what love means. And that’s more than okay.
But, I will admit that I did not always think it was and I know a lot of people in the same boat. From grandparents and parents to movies and friends, we’ve seen and heard so many examples of teens in love—teens who go to college “knowing what they’re doing” when it comes to relationships.
In reality though, whether a first or not, love cannot be prepared for, so why worry over being prepared for college love when the course of a relationship is something totally out of your control? There are so many other things that you could be perfecting and stressing over—skills that will help you get through post-high school life with minimal snags as opposed to obsessing over “could’ve beens”, “should’ve dones” and relationships that you simply cannot actually prepare yourself for.
Clean your room. Do the laundry. Learn how to efficiently and effectively prepare for that test. Then, when you’re actually in college (or wherever you choose to be after graduation), you’ll check off your to-do list with ease and will be left with so much more time and energy to learn how to be in that relationship as it unfolds in the moment.
COVID and Its Impact on Teenage Companionship - in Paige's words
As we head into our eleventh month of quarantine, many have turned to different forms of escapism to pass the time, oftentimes involving some form of romantic interaction in attempts to cure any loneliness one might be feeling. This could take form in watching romcoms or reading romance novels, where you live vicariously through the protagonist. Maybe you find yourself mindlessly scrolling through TikTok, where you are met with videos of young, happy couples simply enjoying themselves. Many put their earbuds in and flood their ears with sappy love songs, blasting love songs and envying those that can relate to them. However, this extra time on our hands does not have to be spent lusting after the romantic attention we are not receiving.
Personally, I made this mistake throughout the last semester of my sophomore year. After losing everything that previously kept my mind occupied and away from the daunting thought of finding a boyfriend, I found myself feeling lonelier than ever. I would watch “Mamma Mia 2” on repeat, jealous that Donna had three pursuers while I had none. However, after much thought and one too many tubs of ice cream, I came to terms with the fact that love can present itself in ways other than romance. There is platonic love, familial love, self-love, biophilia (“the passionate love of life and of all that is alive”)... love is all around. With this in mind, I left behind my outdated mindset that I needed a relationship and began to fall in love with the concept of life itself. Seven months later and I am arguably the happiest I have ever been.
My experience only proves that this extra alone time is best set towards self-growth. You have the rest of your life to find a partner. There is no need to spend this year in isolation focused purely on trying to rush the natural process. Nearly every person I have spoken to on this subject tells me the same thing, always something along the lines of, “love will find you when you’re ready.” As outrageous as this sounds, I can assure you I am telling the truth when I say I used to look up into the sky, throw my arms up and shout “Universe! I’m ready!” in attempts to coerce whatever greater force is at hand to send me love. In hindsight, I am grateful that they could see right through my act. I was not ready for a relationship, and the only way I was able to come to this realization was through introspection and by learning to love myself.
In other words, instead of looking outwards for love, look inwards. Love must come from yourself first and only then will you be able to attract a healthy relationship into your life. When people used to tell me, “you have to love yourself before you can love someone else,” I would scoff. Who ever thought that months later I would be the one turning around and repeating this advice to others? Craving a relationship solely to feel better about yourself is unhealthy, especially considering external validation can only boost your self-esteem so much. Letting others deem your value is so two-thousand-and-late. Use this abundance of time in quarantine to grow out of this habit and take any necessary steps required for you to love yourself!
I would go so far as to say I am a veteran when it comes to this topic. This gives you all the more reason to trust me when I say, while self-reflection can be uncomfortable and it can be tempting to let your worth hinge on others’ opinions, learning to love yourself unconditionally is far more rewarding. After doing so, you will either grow to love being single and realize that being alone does not equal being lonely or you will attract a healthy relationship into your life. Ultimately, it is a win-win situation!