A letter to the weakest generation
By Ava Bourdeau, Staff Writer
Dear Millennials,
This feud has gone on long enough. The fact that you Potterhead, skinny jean wearing ninnies think your generation is somehow superior is absolutely preposterous. It’s time to pack it up and go back to taking those BuzzFeed quizzes a little too seriously. Honestly, who even cares what type of pizza you are?
One of the most glaring issues with this little tussle between Millennials and Gen Z is the fact that Millennials are adults letting little insults from teenagers ruffle their feathers. Don’t you guys have a mortgage to worry about? What you should do is go back to your #adulting, and for Pete’s sake take those side parts with you. It’s time to accept that you just aren’t cool anymore, and maybe never were. What did you possibly contribute to pop culture anyways? I can’t think of anything, aside from Tumblr and a slew of problematic YouTubers (I’m looking at you, Shane Dawson).
Honestly though, the real tea is that you guys were supposed to be the generation who did things. Maybe instead of worrying about teenagers’ opinions of you, it would be helpful to focus on the fact that you’ve spent more time proclaiming that “coffee is #bae'' than you have making contributions to society. You act like Gen Z has no right to make fun of you, that we’re children with juvenile problems. If that’s the case, why have Gen Z figures like Greta Thunberg and Malala Yousafzai done so much while you complain about the fact that you can’t figure out Life Skills 101?
On another note, we need to talk about why on Earth you’re on Tik Tok. Are Facebook and Instagram not enough for you? Honestly, the downfall of Facebook is understandable; those minion memes have gotten out of hand. But that’s no excuse for you to come and invade teenager spaces. Besides, Millennial TikToks are completely made up of unfunny storytimes or videos of you taking your insecurities out on Gen Z. It’d be better for all of us if you resurrected Instant Messenger, rather than spending your energy trying to force skinny jeans back into fashion. Sidenote, if I hear one more millennial call teenagers “zillennials”, there will be consequences.
I digress, you are getting old. Thus, your confusion about the ways of the youth makes sense, as cognitive deterioration is common in such ancient people. Therefore, I’ll be kind, and spell this out for you in a way you’ll undoubtedly understand: It’s better for everyone if you return to your rose gold, wine-filled Instagram feeds, because honestly this behavior isn’t very Hufflepuff of you.
I hope you carefully consider these words, and accept the fact that you peaked in 2014.
Sincerely,
A teenager