Advice Column: “Tips to Avoid Awkward Encounters"

By Jeremy Platt, Staff Writer and Advice Guru

“I keep running into people outside of school and I’m wondering what I should do to avoid these awkward encounters?” -A concerned Samo student

Thanks for writing concerned Samo student, my biggest piece of advice is to stay home to avoid contracting COVID-19, but if you have to go out this is what I’d tell you...

Let’s say you’re running in the park and see a classmate. You’re in the middle of a workout and you don’t want to be interrupted. The first thing you do is make direct eye contact with that classmate. Stare into their soul while remaining more than six feet apart. While staring, quickly lower your mask and mouth the words, “I love you”. Then sprint away before your classmate can process what you just said. This eliminates the awkward conversation entirely without being disrespectful. I’ve used this strategy at least five times since quarantine started, it’s never failed me.

Let’s say you see a teacher at the grocery store. This is their time to be by themselves, they probably don’t want to think about their work and you would just remind them of school. What you want to do is sneak up behind the teacher, keep your mask on and whisper, “does this count as extra credit?” into their ear. After you do this, you need to hide. Make sure they don’t see you. Avoid them at all costs. They will be confused, but the next day in class, make sure to be the last one to log off of the zoom. While it’s just you and the teacher make sure to ask them, “does this count as extra credit?”, then log off immediately. This is the main reason why I have straight A’s. It always works.

The last piece of advice that I have for you is if you see a friend in a COVID-19 free zone. Let’s say this is during your down time and you genuinely do not want to be interrupted. Even though this is your friend, you just want to be alone. The last thing you want to do is avoid them. An old friend did that to me back in the fifth grade. I still haven’t forgiven him. You know who you are. What I would recommend you do is a quick embrace. Go up to them and give them two kisses on the cheek, Borat style. Before this friend starts a conversation, you need to ask them a thought provoking question. My go to question is, “if velcro came first, would zippers be a thing?” While that friend thinks, just put your right fist to your left palm and bow. The job has been done, you have officially avoided the awkward conversation that you have been dreading.

If you have any other pieces of advice make sure to tell us. You can direct message “The Samohi’s” instagram @thesamohinews and drop a follow while you’re there!