Cthulhu 2016
In recent history especially, it seems that 3rd parties are near irrelevant in the American political climate. Beyond the ever-stubborn Libertarian and Green Parties, how many can the average person even name? How many even know the agendas of the Green and Libertarian Parties? Personally, I can only think of one other party, the one which I am here today to endorse. There is one campaign that deserves your vote, one campaign and candidate that can truly fix the problems of not only America, but the entire world. A candidate who can finally erase all of civilization’s problems. This is the reason that I call upon all voters to focus on that write-in box this year; the reason I call for all to support Cthulhu 2016.When Cthulhu is made leader of the free world, we will no longer need to worry about the bickering of a divided Congress: a broken machine in dire need of repair, comprised of bickering divided fools. They do not do what is right for this country and hurt us all with their delays. So when they are sacrificed or driven to madness by Cthulhu, there will only be growth for this great nation. Those who chose to serve in a more proper role will keep their insignificant postings. The rest of Congress will be drawn from the crazed and fanatical cultists of our new Dreadlord’s -- I mean President’s -- followers. Finally, we will be free of the bipartisan wrenches in the cogs of democracy, which under Cthulhu’s wise and ancient guidance will be free to spin once more.Cthulhu also has strong, effective and definitive policy laid out on issues such as the economy, environment, education, equality, police militarization, war on terror and refugee crisis. This policy is relatively simple though, don’t worry. In the elder one's own words: “ah stell’bsna Cthulhu sll’ha goka ch’shogg ch’shagg. Uh’e k’yarnak ee f’mnah’lloig. Nog’yar c’orr’e ah fhtagn.” Simply put, for those who don’t speak Ry’hleian, when we are all driven to madness and are either crazed cultists or whimpering slaves, we will not worry about these simple problems. If we vote Cthulhu, when none of these silly things matter to our broken and insignificant minds, the elder ones will be free to reshape the world in their image. This same policy will also be expanded to include foreign affairs. Especially when the might of Cthulhu's slaves and his ungodly powers move to enslave the rest of the world through semi-legal means. This will be done by masterminding other elder beings into the leadership of other countries and forcibly enslaving all those who deny America. When the entire world is driven to madness and civilization is crumbling, you will no longer need to worry about “threats to humanity” such as ISIS or global warming.These solid, intelligent policies present a strong case towards voting for Cthulhu. Vote for a campaign that will erase the problems of American civilization, as well as erasing foolish concepts, like America and civilization. Ignore the other insignificant candidates and vote for Cthulhu and his running mate Kony. Cthulhu 2016. Why vote for a lesser evil?