How Australia Lost a War to Birds, Yes Birds...

Context: The Emu is a flightless, six foot tall, Australian bird, as well as some of the most effective and decisive soldiers of all time. The Emu War, aka the Great Emu War, has been split into two “attempts” between the Emus and the Royal Australian Military. The winner of which has been pronounced, the Emus. Conditions: The conditions in which the emus won are due to outlasting the Australian government. With the kill count being 968 emus of the 20,000 terrorizing the farmers of Australia, with 9,680 shots fired. The military genius behind the emu attack is nearly flawless. They first attacked the economy, forcing the government into an agricultural and economic crisis thanks to the Great Depression and the destruction of crops. In response, the Royal Australian Military launched a full force attack on the emus. Armed with machine guns mounted on trucks, the soldiers laid into the emu forces. It had little success. Only “about a dozen” were killed before the gun jammed and the enemies scattered. By the end of the first attempt, Major G.P.W. Meredith of the Seventh Heavy Battery of the Royal Australian Artillery stated, "each pack seems to have its own leader now - a big black-plumed bird which stands fully six feet high and keeps watch while his mates carry out their work of destruction and warns them of our approach." The emus had begun to learn. The emus fought straight from the teachings of Sun Tzu’s The Art of War. “Assess the advantages of taking advice, then structure your forces accordingly, to supplement extraordinary tactics. Forces are to be structured strategically, based on what is advantageous. A military operation involves deception. Even though you are competent, appear to be incompetent. Though effective, appear to be ineffective.” This is exactly what the emus did. They appear disorderly and confused but are able to outsmart a fully trained military force. They shared advice and watched out for one another as their human enemies bickered about how to approach the situation and whether or not the war would be “an attempt at the mass destructions of the birds,” as Dominic Servenity, an eminent Australian ornithologist, described. The emus played a completely functional and competent force like a puppet. They used the deepest and darkest secrets of war upon us humans and exposed all of our faults. Blinded by anger, we were unable to defeat the flightless bird, and turned on each other, devouring ourselves as they watched at a safe distance, without even knowing.