Thousands die under policies enacted by Y&G Governor Aidan Blain

Since his election in February, Youth Governor Aidan Blain has caused the deaths of thousands of Californians through policies that many have described as “ruthless.” Blain’s efforts, which range from the gouging of state welfare to the instatement of a gubernatorial militia, have been opposed by a vocal majority of California lawmakers, but so far none have  found legal precedent for deposing him.“Nobody realized the amount of unchecked power that comes with the Youth Governor position,” CNN political commentator Van Jones said. “In the past, they’ve mostly just run Y&G model government events, but Aidan's been passing actual legislation.”Under a little-known statute buried deep within California's legal ordinances, the Youth Governor wields considerable executive authority, including the ability to grant themselves loosely defined "emergency powers." Blain made use of that privilege on his first day in office, effectively abolishing the state senate and consolidating legislative and judicial power under the executive umbrella."In times of war, let there be peace. In times of peace, let there be war," Blain said during a press conference last week. "I will rain death and destruction down on our enemies. And if we have none, then an enemy I will create."Blain's incredibly divisive policy agenda includes subsidies for slash and burn agriculture, the total abolition of both private and public health care, a biweekly purge and an unexplained statewide ban on seat belts. The administration has also extended the death penalty to a variety of felonies and misdemeanors, including the ownership of ferrets, the use of plastic drinking straws and any assertion that Youth Governor Blain does not have "abs of steel" and "an ass that just won't quit."While the governor's office describes his policies as a "Great Leap Forward" for California, to many they are anything but; casualties now number between five and six thousand, and experts speculate that death rates will only increase with the enactment of Blain's new "Stand Other People's Ground" firearm initiative. Control of executive operations defaulted to Blain early last month, with the mysterious disappearance of the Adult Governor of California, Gavin Newsom. In a statement, Blain's office denied knowledge of the governor's whereabouts. Blain's office then theorized that "he's probably in a better place," then laughed creepily for a full four minutes.California Attorney General Xavier Becerra has attempted to take legal action against Blain, so far to no avail."He's got everyone in his pocket. Sheriffs, prosecutors, judges, my mom... there's not a man or woman alive who would bring a case against him," Becerra said.Though Y&G Governors typically only serve for a single year, Blain has used his newfound power to abolish term limits, effectively rendering his administration permanent. When asked for comment by The Samohi, Blain shook his head and smirked."You know, I was like you once," Blain said. "Naive. Preoccupied with the humdrum of my insignificant life. In a word, I was weak. Now... now I see things as they truly are. Now I am strong."Blain turned away and stared wistfully out the window of his resplendent penthouse office. Below, frantic shouts and car alarms could be heard wafting up through clouds of smoke and ash. Somewhere in the distance, a baby was crying."By the time I'm done with this pathetic state, you will beg for peace. For just a moment of rest, a brief respite from what is to come. Did you really think I would ever just give this up?" Blain asked cruelly. "There is so much to do. I will set the redwoods ablaze and loose rabid dogs in our towns and cities. All will be rendered unto dust, and on that fateful day when the last of your wretched lot lies dormant beneath the rubble, I will revel in the silence. The sweet, sweet silence of the end of the world."Blain turned slowly and looked The Samohi dead in the eye. He grinned, and his teeth gleamed in the firelight of a burning Sacramento."Believe me," Blain said coldly. "I'm just getting started."