Vote "yes" on Prop P

As politicians begin to announce their candidacy for the 2020 presidential election, the more important propositions and laws are also being publicized, with the most significant being Proposition P. In a nutshell, the goal of Prop. P is to restore pizza to its natural condition and eradicate the use of pineapples as an acceptable topping.  Pineapple-on-pizza lovers are beginning to dominate the pizza industry and are ruining it for all of us rational individuals. Topping combinations featuring pineapples are becoming more common as Santa Monicans obsess with incorporating some sort of fruit into every meal. They have started a movement, with Hawaiian pizza at the forefront. Now it’s not surprising to see black olive and pineapple, BBQ chicken and pineapple or even sweet and sour shrimp with pineapple coating our most beloved and sophisticated entree. What’s next, mango and kiwi on pizza? The pineapple lovers are cancerous; they are actively spreading and infecting more and more innocents as we speak. As a country, we must combat this global crisis by attacking the problem on our homeground first. Thin, thick, gluten free and cauliflower crust consumers must put their differences aside to ensure the security of pizza.  Luckily, we have caught these barbarians in their preliminary stages and still have time to control the situation. The catastrophe can be stopped before it gets out of hand, but only if we act now. Vote “Yes” on Prop. P and not only will you be saving pizza lovers of the present, but you will be protecting the generations of the future.