R.I.P Paige Pro.
whatsobamaslastname69, Social Media Editor
Paige “The Ditch B*tch” Prodonovich, notorious for her poor attendance, has passed away at the young age of 17 after falling ill with the rare disease, senioritis. Paige was born Oct. 2, 2004 in Santa Monica, California, to two disapproving parents who, despite their best efforts, often failed to convince her to get to school. While some might say she attended the public schools of Santa Monica-Malibu Unified School District, the state of California would disagree, as they deemed her a classified truant. She was set to (hopefully) graduate from Santa Monica High School in June 2022.
Paige was many things, and while responsible was not one of them, she was spirited. Her lust for life was apparent, and she mostly spent her days not at school creating countless stories, each abiding by her life motto, “for the plot.” From hitchhiking all the way to San Francisco with Pepperdine sorority girls she had met that day, to getting legally married to a UCLA frat member, she made a point to ensure that her life was anything but boring. A few of these stories even took place on campus (to the surprise of many), such as the time she allegedly streaked through the Greeks.
On the rare occasion Paige was spotted on campus, she was never found completing her class work. More often than not, she would arrive at school exhausted after spending her nights selflessly fighting street-crime as Santa Monica’s very own vigilante superhero. Her constant exhaustion led her to fall victim to several @samohisleeps posts. When awake, she could be found befriending random passersby, striking up conversation in attempts to avoid attending class. These stalling conversations were not limited to students, and would often involve security guards as well.
Security guard, Dee, reflects fondly on a conversation he once shared with Paige. “At this damn point, I recognize your face better than my own because of how many times I’ve let you into school late. I see you more than I see my own cousins at this damn point.”
Despite her poor attendance record, her character and attitude got her far in life, and she was set to attend Harvard in the fall of 2022. The university mourns the loss of one of their greatest commits, inside and out. Although her passing due to senioritis was both unexpected and heartbreaking, each “pa[i]ge out of her book” will be remembered by her friends and family forever.
Prodonovich’s family has so graciously sumbitted a so-called “senior portrait” of her.
