The harsh truth about women

Malia Obama, Staff Writer

Let us get straight to the point. Women are not real. They are robot ploys made by the government to keep us on our toes. As they take up prominent spaces in our society, they are coming closer and closer to bringing forth our demise. Now you might think I am crazy, this might be blowing your mind! But this is an immediate threat to the world as we know it.

 You might be thinking, “Malia, aren’t you a woman?” That is beside the point. Robot decoys are disguising themselves as our species masquerading around in our human skin. Think about it sheeple. Have you ever met a woman? Have you ever sustained a prolonged conversation with a woman? Have you ever felt the touch of a woman? No, no, and no. So, it is not that crazy to conclude that the female gender is a hoax. Roblox Club president José Mama (’22) was very passionate about this issue.

“In fact, I find it interesting that I have never been approached by a woman. I mean it could be because I smell, use five in one body wash and still need to be tucked into bed. But I think it may be more logical to say that women are not real people and because of that fact they do not seek the companionship of a true alpha male like myself,” Mama said.

There are five letters in the word “woman.” Here is another term with a five in it: Area 51. Therefore, all variations of women are spawned in Area 51. They are then placed in different positions in our lives. For example, mothers say they don’t want to wash dishes because their children should take responsibility in the household by doing their chores. But this is really an excuse. Your mother will refrain from doing the dishes to avoid getting wet and overriding her robotic hardware. Only some women have the ability to put on waterproof skin. Others will excuse themselves from aquatic activities by saying they don’t want to get their hair wet or mess up their makeup. This is the real reason why you should always take a woman swimming on the first date. 

Overall, women are not to be trusted. This issue is very serious and men need to protect themselves. The men of our world are at stake! Women are vindictive and take advantage of male ignorance and trust. They have fooled us and will not be allowed to do it again.