Yay or nay: the return of wired headphones

It’s time to plug in: kill all airpods

Persianprincess396, Centerspread Editor

This never ending cycle of technological progression needs to end now. First wireless cell phones and now this?! When will the madness end? Airpods are the downfall of our society and everyone needs to know. You are not on a work call, you are not having an important conversation, so get those wanna-be work earpieces out of your head.

Look, it’s obvious, you want to look important, but it’s not working. All it takes is one logical person to point out the obvious impracticality of the pods and your act is over. How can someone justify the use of these micro pieces when one gust of wind is all it takes for them to be blown away? Things like vents, couches with cushions and cracks are your worst enemy, which is unfortunate considering they are everywhere. 

There is simply no way to avoid losing a pod at one point, aside from choosing to purchase a cable connector, which, big surprise, defeats the whole purpose of airpods. The fact that over 2000 results show up when you search up “airpod lanyard” is enough to show how airpods are a big scam. 

And don’t even get me started on the noise cancellation mode. It’s almost as if Apple is asking for people to get into accidents and die. How are people going to hear cars, people warning of danger and overhear juicy conversations in class if they can’t even hear someone calling their name from an inch away? Better yet, Apple should market airpods with the slogan “the pods of death” as a foreshadow of the buyer’s future.

Thankfully, I’m not the only one smart enough to understand Apple’s evil intentions with this product, Danica Chumley (’23) has also uncovered how dangerous airpods are.

“AirPods are clear health hazards. The CDC needs to cancel them as soon as possible. Imagine you’re biking down the street and a cat runs in-front of you, you don’t hear people’s warnings so you hit the cat and now you’re both injured or dead,” Chumley said. 

Aside from the dangers of noise cancellation, I myself, as an ex-airpod user, was thankfully forced out of further use of them. As soon as I put on the airpods to listen to some music, I could feel the radiation going into my brain and giving me diseases. As soon as I felt the radiation I knew that this seemingly cool contraption is really just a plan from the governmewnt to make us pay more medical bills. 

Moral of the story, spare yourself the 200 dollars, the embarrassment and the danger and stick with the wired headphones that come with your Iphone.

Wireless life or none at all

Halloweener, Staff Writer

The 2016 argument still remains, airpods or wired headphones? I thought we moved on from this but clearly some of us are in need of more clarity. Airpods are the way to go. The name airpods itself is more satisfying than wired headphones. The word has too many constants and goes on for too long. 

Honestly, I have grown to hate wired headphones over the years. When I’m walking on campus, I resist the urge to rip the wired headphones off of every student’s ears and burn them in the middle of the innovation quad. But alas I have enough self control to keep my anger in its own cage. We are in the 21st century, it’s time for a wireless upgrade and put the days of the wires behind us! At this point, we might as well raise our own chickens for eggs and start using horses as transportation again. 

Aside from that, wire culture or as I see it, wire cultism has been linked to many horrible moments in history. As we became more addicted and dependent on these “wires”, we’ve created personal ports for them in our ears and expanded their presence into almost every household in the United States.The wire industry grew into cable wires, copper wire, ground wire, metal wire, hot wire, barbed wire, fence wire and fuse wire. Should I go on? We are a wire society and if we don’t act now we will never become wireless. I am acting as a savior to those of you stuck in the endless cycle of using wires. Jennifer Lawerence (’22) (not the famous one but close) shares her personal testimony of her escape from wired headphone use.

“After using wired headphones for years, I noticed that I was not really happy. I was feeling drained, my ears were heavier and my heartbeat was slower than normal. When I stopped I felt better,” Lawrence said. 

On a happier note, wireless headphones better known as airpods are society’s new hope. The frosting to our cupcakes, the bee to our honey and perhaps the Tom to our Jerry. In short, they are tiny little pods that look like peanuts with NO WIRES that you stick to your ear and are able to transport sound from your phone to your ears! The new creation makes me a little emotional when I speak on it, but they have truly saved my life. Personally, I went from having anxiety that the NSA was listening to my conversations to having no concerns at all! The airpods promise safety and good listening! To add on to its many benefits, you can find them anywhere. The grocery store, target, and even at your local liquor store. Convenience, safety and good listening, what more can you ask for?

Healthiness starts with not using wired headphones. Stand up and start your journey today! Happy listening!