Ask The Samohi
Sara Javerbaum, Staff Writer
Dear The Samohi,
I’ve been in a relationship for around four months now, and I fear my relationship has lost its spark. My girlfriend and I are constantly fighting or annoyed with each other. I don’t know what to do to spice it up and get back to what we had, can you help?
Desperately waiting,
A. Dumas
Hello Dumbass!
While it seems that you’re a bit of a doof when it comes to relationships, I’ve picked out some tips simple and straight-forward enough that even a dummy like you can understand. Hopefully these help!
Tip #1: When you say you “don’t have eyes for anyone else,” mean it.
Any good couples’ therapist will tell you that honesty is the key to a healthy relationship. While many couples may think they are being totally honest with each other, small lies tend to add up. For example, many partners lovingly exchange the phrase, “I only have eyes for you.” However, they still go about their daily lives with unimpaired vision, looking at any and all people that come into frame. To avoid this lie, simply wear two eye patches anytime you are at risk of seeing someone other than your partner.
Tip #2: Go on a getaway with your partner.
As you said earlier, it appears that your relationship has become boring and monotonous. Rather than going on the same dates (movies, dinners, etc.), spice it up with something a little more romantic: crime! Something simple like shoplifting is a great way to start—it’ll get your adrenaline levels high. However, a more serious crime is so much more fun! Not only do you get the same, if not more, levels of adrenaline, you can also enjoy a romantic getaway when you are running from the cops (AKA quality bonding time). Don’t forget that the planning of a serious crime will really bring the two of you together.
Tip #3: Get to know your partner’s loved ones.
Though the relationship featured in the hit show “You” is fictional, many of Joe’s tactics can be applied to your relationship. Anyone can go to lunch with their significant other’s friends and families. You have to really go the extra mile and apply for a job at your significant other’s favorite establishment. You can listen in on their conversations or even get to know them if you introduce yourself. When you reveal that you’ve been seeing their loved one, they’ll already be comfortable around you and happy to have you in the family.
Tip #4: Make sure that you are constantly posting your S/O on social media.
If you aren’t validating the relationship on social media at every moment, how will your significant other know you care? Don’t forget that if strangers aren’t having pictures of you and your partner shoved down their throat at all times, your relationship probably isn’t real. To ensure that your followers know enough about your relationship, set up photogenic dates to stock up on photos to post.
Tip #5: Keep your relationship new and exciting by surprising your partner with secrets.
People in long-term relationships often complain of losing their “spark.” Unfortunately, relationships can quickly feel unexciting as partners learn more and more about the other person. Luckily, there is a quick fix! Simply hide and withhold important information (job promotions, getting back in contact with an ex, etc). When your partner eventually stumbles across all of the things you’ve hidden from them, they will realize that there is so much more to find out about you. The shock of all of the lies you’ve told will surely prevent monotony in a relationship.
With love,
The Samohi
