Brandy Melville: stop the pizza slander!
Indigo Craane, Staff Writer
If you haven’t already heard, Brandy Melville, the one-size-fits-all store that accommodates only the most petite of teenage girls, has decided to open up a pizzeria named “Chill Since ’93.” Already the title is quite dry just like their clothing, and now their grand new pizzeria menu. Unfortunately, as someone who went, I will take one for the team and provide a rundown:
When you first enter, you believe you will have a pleasant experience gazing at the menu and buying what sounds most appealing. However, if you have never interacted with a Brandy Melville worker before, then be prepared for the worst customer service you will ever experience. Eyes rolling, arms crossed, these poor girls are both sick of their job and you. They will still take your order while getting paid minimum wage for it— but they will not make it a pleasant experience.
Even with little on the menu, there is still some variety. You could have a staple pepperoni pizza, ham and cheese crostini, or if you’re feeling goofy, a Nutella sandwich.
The pizza itself is good; it is the size and taste of a microwave pizza from Whole Foods, yet topped with a flurry of mini pepperonis. The sandwich? Just cheese and meat packed within two pieces of dry bread, something you can make out of your own kitchen. However, the Nutella sandwich was straight-up just Nutella and powdered sugar jammed within two slices of baguette bread. Nothing special unless you’re a fanatic for Nutella and powdered sugar.
To the lactose intolerants in this world, the Brandy Melville coffee menu was made just for you! Consisting of lattes, cappuccinos, cold brews and teas, all of these drinks are made with oat milk only! No exceptions made, I already asked. Sorry to the dairy and almond milk lovers out there.
You may be thinking, where can you eat after you get your order? Certainly not inside. There are little white patio tables that decorate the outside of this tiny pizza shop (seriously, change it up in size), all adorned with Brandy Melville’s iconic line of olive oil as a centerpiece. Here, you may enjoy your overpriced Brandy meal.
At the end of this process, which to me was humiliating and unnecessary, you get to sit down and eat. But at the corner of your eye, no matter where you sit, you will see “Brandy Melville” right next door to “Chill Since ’93,” as though the store is just scrutinizing you.
If you are ever at The Grove, you are presented with the choice to either stray far away from this scary chain or, on the contrary, go through the same grueling experience I went through. I wish you luck, dear reader.
