Get a load of these baby names!
Sara Javerbaum, Staff Writer
After Kylie Jenner was forced into renaming her son by the internet lords, we decided to take a look at other radical celebrity baby names and let us be frank, some of these are pretty bad.
[Redacted] Webster (Son of Kylie Jenner)
Imagine this. You’re 89 years old, have weenises that sag down to the floor and you’re living out your last few moments on Earth. As you lie on your deathbed, your family and friends come up to you to say their goodbyes. You’re in and out of consciousness but you can hear them saying their goodbyes. “Wolf, wolf, wolf. We love you, Wolf Webster. Goodbye Wolf Webster. AWHOOOO!” they would roar. I would kill myself before I was even dead. Retched name. Thankfully, followers of Kylie Jenner bashed the name so much that on March 23, she announced she had changed the name because it “didn’t really feel like it was him”.
Bear Blu (Son of Alicia Silverstone)
Alicia Silverstone, star of the classic 90s movie “Clueless” proved she was perfect for the role when she named her son Bear Blu. My god. Even the nicest of children would still bully this child. This name is unbearable. She really blu it. I apologize for the awful puns, but this name is so shocking I can barely focus on making jokes.
Reign Ashton Disick (Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick)
What is it with celebrities giving their children royal names? There’s “King Cairo Stevenson” (son of Blac Chyna and Tyga), “Royalty Brown” (daughter of Chris Brown and Nia Guzman), and “Powerful Queen Cannon” (daughter of Nick Cannon and Britanny Bell). It’s hilarious from an outside perspective, but I genuinely feel for these kids that have to go to school every day with these names.
North West (Daughter of Kim Kardashian)
While it would be easy to call this name crazy or ridiculous, I happen to think this is a perfectly decent name. One could argue it’s badass. Not only will the child have a guaranteed sense of direction in her life, but it’s clearly the best name out of the entire Kim-Kanye children. Somehow North managed to escape the wrath of her parents, lucking her way out of going by Saint, Chicago or Psalm like her siblings.
X Æ A-12 (The child of Grimes and Elon Musk)
I feel like most parents, regardless of their parenting skills, know the basics of naming children. However, this name makes me genuinely wonder if Elon Musk and Grimes know the basics. So, let’s have a little lesson, shall we? The most crucial rule all parents should follow is: their child’s name is not supposed to cause a substitute teacher to have a meltdown. Sure, almost every sub will butcher students’ names (whether that be intentional or not) but they are trained to handle it, faced with a variety of pronunciations on mysterious roll sheets every day. If a substitute were to see this god-forsaken name on the roll, I am dead certain they would either start screaming and have a tantrum, break down in tears or simply run out of the classroom in silence. I recommend giving a more mildly confusing name with multiple pronunciations a try (see: Anias, Linnea, Elena).
