Lessons Learned: what NOT to do in Samo construction;
Attention: If any architects happen to see this newspaper while designing the new buildings, PLEASE read this. If there is one thing all Samo students have in common, it is their annoyance with the construction of the school. Whether caught walking up an absurdly narrow staircase or insanely giant steps, we have all asked ourselves why before. Here are five problems with the construction of Samo that will help us to know what NOT to repeat in the future:
- handwashing crisis
Why are we spending a fortune on the new buildings, yet can’t afford to fix the sinks in Discovery. I’m talking about the automatic sensor sinks that aren’t in fact able to sense your hands. This isn’t only a health issue, but literally a social experiment. Are you going to attempt to wash your hands, waiting five minutes for any of the three sinks to turn on for longer than a second? Or are you going to walk out, knowing that everyone else is watching and silently judging you? I have neither the answer to these questions nor the time to answer them when I am in a crowded, artificially sweet vape-scented bathroom.
- dangerously placed stairwell exit
Why is the discovery side stair exit directly before the door to the cafeteria? The location of the exit in relation to the cafeteria line pretty much makes it a malfunctioning intersection, directed by the security guards. The only way to get out is by pushing and shoving your way through the line—not to mention the most chaotic section of it—to safety. The utter fear of being yelled at by the security guards while you try to explain that you aren’t cutting, just passing through, isn’t worth it.
- Giant stairs
The waste of space known as the giant Discovery steps are probably the worst innovation at Samo. They lead to a sea of students stampeding down one narrow pathway. It may as well be a conditioning spot for Samo sports—an alternative to running the greeks. The type of people to leap up or down these stairs are also the type of people to have rolly backpacks; valuing efficiency, but not style. They were apparently designed as a place for students to eat lunch, but why would anyone want to eat lunch practically on display for the entire school to see. No one wants to see the lunch your mommy packed for you.
- Narrow pathways
Narrow pathways such as the ones to the language building or down to the field seem to accentuate how slow people actually walk. I already don’t want to go to the language building, so if I have to, I’d like to do so in a timely manner. They are also simply a danger hazard; get caught walking against the flow of traffic and you’re on your own. At that point, you might as well call your parents to tell them you love them.
Honorable mention: Why is the side of the discovery building wavy? Who’s idea was that? I’d like to know. Also, why isn’t the inside wavy then? Wavy or not wavy? Just make up your mind.
- Absurd Discovery handlebar
Yet another malfunction with the Discovery building—specifically that same exact stairwell—is the design of the handlebar at the base of the stairs. The handlebar juts out about a foot into the already narrow space, making it easy to run into and hard to maneuver around during a busy passing period. When turning the corner at the bottom of the stairs, you wouldn’t expect to have to dodge a poorly placed metal rod, practically making you Shakira, swiveling your hips around it like they don’t lie.