Family, Religion & Drugs

AnonymousGrowing up in a Christian family, believing in God and Jesus came to me naturally. As a young child, I went to church almost every Sunday and attended the children’s ministry. I participated in the pastor’s discussions, hoping to give an insightful answer to his questions so I’d be rewarded with a lollipop or other piece of candy. Loving and fully believing in Christianity was automatic; the thought of not believing in God meant going to hell, and that was an outrageous non-option in my mind.However, this belief altered slightly in middle school. I became more reluctant to go to church; sleep was much more appealing. Nonetheless, I would be dragged out of bed to church anyway, where I’d go to the youth ministry and try to make sense of the sermons that seemed irrelevant to my 13-year-old life. I didn’t have any religious friends at school, so I was shy about church. Once I learned more about the teachings of the Bible, I found that I disagreed with a few of them. I kept these thoughts silent from my parents, continued to believe in God and Jesus and accepted myself as a Christian.Once I entered high school, all my beliefs, both religious and personal, changed drastically. I began to feel increasingly unsure about the existence of God and question everything. I had entered a stage of my life where all I wanted to do was rebel against almost anything my parents said. I started making habits of drinking and smoking on the weekends and going to parties where I made bad decisions. I told my parents one day that I no longer believed in God. To say they were shocked is an understatement.During the times when I drank and smoked, I was in a constant battle within myself. I became even more angsty and moody than I already was. Although I didn’t see it at the time, these substances had an extremely negative effect on me and on my relationships, especially with my family. The effects became so strong within me that, even though they didn’t know what I was up to, my parents noticed something was different. Even my older sister, who knew what I was involving myself in, became worried and would talk privately with my mom about me. I was unhappy almost every day with my life and, although I never admitted to it at the time, I was fundamentally unhappy with myself — I was starting to become a person I had told myself I would never become.I had always believed in sayings like, “If it’s meant to happen, it will happen” and “Whatever happens, happens.” I also believed in “signs” from a higher power, whether or not this was God. I thought that all of the bad things that were happening to me were just the things that were going to make me a better, stronger person in the future.Recently, I got into a lot of trouble with my parents. They discovered my “stash,” so to speak, of marijuana and a couple of beers. I was grounded indefinitely and lost every privilege I owned, including my car, phone, internet connection and social life. I was disappointed in myself and my parents made me feel overwhelmingly guilty. Since I had no where else to go, I became more involved in my parents’ church life. I willingly attended church and volunteered there once a month. I participated in a weekly small group where teachings of the Bible and that Sunday’s church sermon were discussed and I went to the youth ministry that met outside of the church.At first, all I really meant by trying this much was to eventually get back my privileges and social life. However, the more I pushed myself to try to please my parents by involving myself in the church, the more I slowly started to believe again. The teachings I was learning in school and in church became increasingly relevant to the struggles I was having; they were so relevant that I would notice them as they were happening. They would answer my questions and set my true and real beliefs in stone. These are the type of “signs” I was talking about. My life in general became much, much better. I felt like I could finally be completely honest with myself and my parents, I was doing better in school, received better grades and I was receiving better opportunities in life.Despite this “recovery,” there is still a part of me that wants to be independent from my parents, not believe and rebel. There are still the temptations to smoke, to drink, to let myself fall back into that void. But that is what I will overcome to be a better person and have a better life for myself. And in reality, I never needed any of the “highs” to be happy and fun — I already am a very enthusiastic person with lots of energy. Most of the times I did get those highs were not even that fun or “worth it.” I realize how cliché much of this sounds, but I am simply telling my story how it happened. I am currently still undergoing my grounding, so I am still trying to overcome the obstacles and future temptations. But I guess this is just a part of my testimony.eic@thesamohi.com