Garden club caught growing weed
Members of Samo’s newly-popular Gardening Club were arrested earlier this week for charges of cultivation of illegal substances after authorities were led to the garden by an overly delirious, but innocent-looking track and field boy. “Fischer was going crazy on us that day--she told us we were running a marathon as our track warm-up. So I decided to hide in the garden,” Fossy Kathleeson (’22) said. Kathleeson’s typical, boring, freshman-boy afternoon took an unexpected turn when he decided to take one of his favorite, “pretty” plants from the garden home for some cooking. “The sign said everything was edible, so I just took it. My mom already asked me to make brownies for my little sister’s birthday dinner, so I added this plant into the mix for an interesting twist. Then I ate two of my brownies. Then I felt funny. Suddenly I was on the Samo track with my mom and the Santa Monica Police, pointing to the garden,” Kathleeson recalled, still in a daze. Upon closer inspection, the SMPD revealed that the Garden Club was growing over $500,000 dollars worth of illegal plants in their beloved, hammock-filled garden. Apparently when submitting approval for the new “plant,” they claimed the intention was “campus and mind beautification.” The club has denied all allegations.. Administrators appear shocked, while most students shrugged, nodded and offered “sounds about right” to reporters when asked if they had heard the news. While Z House Principal Ed Racker condemns the behavior, he does not think the resources should be wasted. “These girls are naughty, but boy are they smart. The plan is to harvest the crop, put it in an unspecified place, and… um… obviously dispose of it. We want to make it clear that this is not sanctioned at Samo. Or ever,” Racker insisted, vehemently. Club president Layva Young (’19) agreed to comment on the scandal. Despite her brutal treatment in solitary confinement the night prior, Young seemed relaxed… almost happy. She smiled and giggled at The Samohi’s reporters before they even asked her for a statement. After 20 minutes of thinking and staring at her sparkly-blue fingernail, Young offered her official comment as club-president. “We the people. We the people? We the people of the people of the people of the Gardening Club totally, totally HATE weeds in our garden. Ha-ha-ha. Weeds are literally the he-he worst. The worst. THE worst. Wait--is the word ‘the’ pronounced ‘thuuhh’ or ‘theee’? It’s just so bad for you, right? I mean that doesn’t stop most people, ha-ha-ha... Oh yeah--that’s what holds us back. It’s bad for you. For you, maybe. For us, to be determined? No wait, we didn’t do anything. Not that we did. Or not that we didn’t do. Did I say that twice? My toes kind of feel like fins,” Young said.