Felony quantity of PSAT memes found on Samo campus

It was Oct. 16, and Samo students were recovering from taking the PSAT earlier that morning. Murmurs about the test filled the halls as students shuffled out of classrooms and prepared to go home. People snickered and giggled at their own misfortune, as they thought back to an hour prior, when the ticking of the clock mattered and when deafening silence filled every room in the school. But nobody could have predicted the harsh reality of what was to come the following morning.The students of Samo will never forget Oct. 17. School was about to begin for the day, and students were racing to finish homework or study for a unit test in math that had been long forgotten until that very morning. But to everybody’s surprise, Samo junior, Kelly Martin (’21), was never going to arrive at her first period.The first alarming siren was heard at 8:10 a.m., but soon after, even the sound of the construction was masked by the piercing cries from the large, dark SWAT vans as they swerved into the red zone, directly in front of the Michigan gate. As the professionals paraded through the school and raided classrooms, they struggled to find Martin. After an unsuccessful 45 minutes of searching lockers and shoving desks, the 36 SWAT team members finally located Martin, hiding in the depths of the construction pit. Though many students viewed her arrest as excessive, she had this coming. Her most viral and self destructive memes included the domination of the salaries of “Ambi-What’s,” the donut in the sky, Noa’s sweaty hands and purple pen and the unfortunate repetition of the foreign concept of a “constant,” -- whatever that means. The complete reasoning behind the arrest of Martin was a mystery to every student, until the college board released a statement later that day.“We will not tolerate any students who share information about the exam at any time. Martin’s score will be terminated immediately and the matter is now in the hands of the FBI. This event occurred because Martin violated the legally binding contract that she, among the rest of her school, was required and forced to sign,” a college board member said.Students have begun to protest Martin’s arrest and her transfer to federal prison. As an increasing number of students and faculty gather outside local police stations, everyone is claiming that Martin is underage, therefore making her signature invalid. Much to the dismay of these demanding Samo students, authorities were reluctant to release any more information about Martin and the felony she was charged with upon her arrest.“No comment,” Officer Spencer said.With Martin’s abrupt departure and her fate still in question, Martin’s memes have not only received more attention, but her absence from school has become a meme itself.“I’m just happy that in this devastating time my memes are still inspiring students and making them laugh. I knew my memes would get me in trouble one day, I’m just glad that I was able to pass the torch to others who are going to follow in my footsteps and make more memes,” Martin said.Martin is currently serving 18 months in prison, one month for every PSAT question her memes have “compromised.” Though Martin would like to speak with her parents, she instead insists on using her weekly calls to coach her anonymous apprentices back at Samo.“Prison is not that bad. I see it as a new way of getting content for my great return to the meme world. Plus, I’m practically famous! Everyone here has read my memes,” Martin said.