Suspicious Samo staff sightings
Other_persian_princess, Staff Writer
Spotted: Kay at a flat Earth convention
On Saturday March 12, AP Environmental Science teacher Benjamin Kay was spotted at the annual Flat Earth Convention in Anaheim, CA. This is the mecca for local flat-earthers and many come to spread their unpopular beliefs and listen to lectures on the topic. According to various sources, Kay was one of the main speakers alongside former US president Donald Trump’s science advisor, Kelvin Droegemeier. This has caused an uproar with his students and the general public at Samo. After years of claiming to be a firm believer in a round earth, seemingly just to keep his job, getting caught at this convention has broken the trust that he shared with many of his students. This has led to a five day sit-in protest in front of his house, with students, led by Team Marine Captain, Daniel Thurmound (’22), throwing plastic cutlery at his windows. Kay refused to comment.
Benjamin Kay featured on CBS at a flat-earth convention after delivering a shocking speech supporting the theory of a flat
Spotted: McKeown vs Huls showdown
Samo’s Band director Kevin McKeown was spotted at the Santa Monica Music Center taking voice lessons on March 10 after school. Upon further questioning, it was found that McKeown is looking to challenge Mr. Huls’ position as the Samo Choir director, and take over. Several students have also mentioned seeing McKeown lurking behind the doors of the choir room, recording whenever Mr. Huls makes a mistake during class or makes a joke.
“It’s pretty clear to me that it’s time for a revamp in the choir program. We all know my background in choir from middle school…I mean, who can be more fit for the job,” McKeown said.
The rivalry seems to have caught students attention, as many are taking sides and posting with hashtags “#Huls4lyfe” or “#Mckeownmymaster,” sparking a Twitter meme war. Supposedly, there is a sing-off happening on April 3 in the choir room that is open to the public.
Poster for the battle of the directors which takes place on Sunday, April 3.
Caught: Flores taking steroids
Samo college counselor Ernesto Flores, known for his muscular physique, is being tested this upcoming week for traces of muscle enhancing steroids. Various students confirmed that a suspicious looking substance was poking out of his trashcan when they sought college advice. After this strange encounter, students started looking into the validity of his gym addiction, and found that Flores does not attend the gym everyday, but instead an arcade store, to play Wii Fit. It has been suggested that the mention of Flores’s muscle mass is simply a ruse in order to pull people into the college center. Students have expressed feelings of heartbreak and manipulation. However, when approached with this accusation, Flores has refused to give up any information.
“I clearly don’t use steroids, ask any of the other college counselors!! I’m all natural,” Flores said.
Flores flexing his abnormally large muscles. What’s the true secret?